What The Fuck Is This Website About?
Welcome to my world of being a complete drunken idiot.
The Stories
The Cancun Chronicles II
After a full week of complete and utter disregard for our personal health, questionable hygiene and the never-ending battle with the locals and their need to be tipped for simply letting us breathe, our trip was coming to an end. It was the last day of freedom and we were all pretty wrecked so we just lounged around the beach/pool, taking it easy and avoiding getting hammered since we had to be up pretty early to catch our bus to the airport the next morning. We had a nice supper, with limited beer, followed by casual drinks at the Sports Bar in the evening. Everything was going well, no one was drunk, it looked like we may actually have pulled off our plan of intermediate sobriety. Then, for reasons that remain unclear to me, I made an abrupt u-turn in any logical thought and began a torrid drinking pace which ended poorly for everyone involved.
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The Double Whammy
Introducing “The Real Deal”
The internet is a funny thing. Free internet dating sites are an entirely different level of funny. It's more what you call 'fucking hilarious'. I was introduced to this new realm of e-mingling by my good friend from high school who since lives in Ottawa; MCF. He was installing gas heating at the time and his work partner 'Harvey' would rant and rave about this online dating site called plentyoffish.com. Two seconds to sign up, it's free and he's fucking a different girl every week. Somehow this site was just a secret haven of unsatisfied women looking to get jack-hammered by men with only the most basic of qualities. You put up a picture, write two quick lines of BS about how you're looking for “the one” and just like that you've got a healthy selection of pathetic women to choose from.
The Boys Go Out, I Decide I’m Rich
This all went down in October, just a few months ago. The Real Deal and I decided to go over to DMilz’s place to watch the Habs/Blackhawks and then hit St-Laurent afterwards for some alcohol induced mayhem. We picked up a 2-4 of Budweiser and made our way over to his place. We had our sleeping gear with us since we knew there was no fucking way any of us would be in any kind of condition to get home under our own steam. Here’s how the night went.
New Year’s Eve Debauchery
As has become the tradition, every New Year's Eve we party at BrownTown's place. His basement wields a deadly bar, he empties out the knick knacks and the breakables and we just throw 'er down like the booze hungry fiends we are. Usually anywhere between 20-30 people show up and we just get totally twisted until the early hours of the morning. It may sound dull that we do the same thing every year but I would rather die than have to deal with downtown traffic and crowded open bars while fighting off ruthless drunks for the only cabbie left in the civilized world at 5 am. Instead, I get hammered at Chateau BrownTown and let the good times roll. 2006 was especially retarded because Cinbad, BrownTown's girlfriend, spiked the punch bowl leading to a series of unfortunate drunken events.
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Avoiding Sodomy and Pantsless Adventures
This was back in the summer of 2006 when The Real Deal and I went down to Ottawa to visit MCF and HorseBoy. I hadn’t seen HorseBoy in a few years; he had gotten into some trouble with some dicey characters and was forced to flee Montreal. This was our reunion and you bet your ass it was going to be an epic shit-show.
Complete Failure at Trying to be Responsible
Every once in a while I try to take it easy at the bars. Getting completely shit-face all the time does take a toll on the body and sometimes it’s just too fucking hard pushing my body to dangerous limits three or four consecutive nights a week. That doesn’t mean I still don’t do it regularly, I’m just trying to set up the reasoning behind this mess I’m about to tell you. This is the time I took a genuine shot at not getting savagely drunk and ended up getting, well, savagely drunk.
Stories From
Archive
- August 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009