A Lesson in Drinking and Soiling Yourself
Around a year ago my father, step-mother and brother went to Ottawa over the weekend for a hockey tournament. My old man coaches a mid-tier team in Montreal and my brother played for him. They left my little sister with me for the weekend and I was the responsible one in the house. I had to take care of her, the pug and the bear (Bernese mountain dog) which seemed simple enough. My little sister wanted to have some friends over on the Friday, which was fine by me. I figured she'd want to have a shindig and, well, I did the same thing at that age so why not? You'll see why not after the disaster I had to deal with that horrifying Friday night.
The Intoxicator
It was a Monday evening in mid-September and I was over at BrownTown's knocking a few back in the backyard on his deck. I had just started my second year of Cegep and the semester was a few weeks in. It was a normal afternoon; finish class, jump on the bus to my buddies place and have a few beers. BrownTown's little brother WeedBoy was in town and I hadn't seen the little bastard in a while so a few beers turned into a few more beers and then even more beers. By 9 o'clock, WeedBoy's friends came over with a giant beer bong...this thing was fucking huge and scrawled along the side of it in big black letters was "THE INTOXICATOR"
Wedding Crasher and a Legendary Antiquing
A co-worker of mine, LeeLee, got hitched back in 2005. I attended the wedding with the brides' sisters' boyfriend, who happened to be one of my good friends, Portugal. The cameraman, DoubleD, also worked with me and was seated at our table. There was a lot of homemade wine, a lot of food and a lot more alcohol. I didn't know anyone else at the table and I'm not sure if these people truly understood the degree of stupidity they would witness on this night.
Mushrooms Make Me Scared
Every summer for the last six or seven years, my father, step-mother, brother and sister all go on vacation for a week or two, leaving me their sweet Beaconsfield pad and the dogs. I thank them for this set-up by having stupid festivities and all out gong shows. This place has become legendary among my friends and every year we transcend new boundaries with our mischief. The summer of 2003 was the second year I had the house and HorseBoy, a good friend of mine, sadly now deceased, was staying with me for two weeks. He was just released from Shawbridge, a youth prison, and wanted to have a ridiculous couple of weeks. So one night, we decided that eating some magic mushrooms would be a brilliant idea. I had never tried them before and neither had he so what the hell? Why not? Horror followed.
The Work Party
For the entirety of my Cegep years, I worked at a pharmacy stocking shelves and fucking around. I had got BrownTown a job there so we had a pretty good time whenever we worked with each other. Sometimes we took our breaks at the same time and hit the restaurant next door to rip some pitchers in half an hour then go back to work. They were good times, nothing serious, just a fuckaround job to pay for my weekend extravaganzas. The one thing about this pharmacy that was incredibly badass were the Christmas parties. A shit-show would be a candy coated way of putting what this scene was like.
Attack of the Spanish Hookers
This past summer I traveled around Europe with The Real Deal. We hit eleven cities in a month and it was insane. We got wasted every night, partied with people from all over the world and saw the absolute most ridiculous sights we had ever seen. Yes, it was quite the adventure. Our last city was Barcelona aka retarded party city rampant with thieves and whores. This story happened our last night in Barca.