youreprettywhenidrink.com Savage Tales of Wild Drunken Adventures

A Tale of Boredom- Horror Resurrected

I woke up at the unholy hour of 4:30 AM this morning because I had to be at work for 6 AM. I am not a morning person at 10 AM, let alone waking up while normal people are still in bed and freaks still roam the streets. Whatever, that's why they pay me the big bucks. I get in for 6, do what I have to do and by the grace of some divine being, that monster ------- is not in. Sweet! I may not have to deal with her half-bright antics for a full 6 hours. This day might not be as bad as I thought after all.

Of course it was bad. Who am I kidding? At 7:10 AM, this ogre barged through the front doors with coffee and muffins. I love coffee and muffins as much as I love having sex or frolicking through water fountains. But I don't love them when that ghastly beast brings them to me. I have such a deep hatred for her that if I were dying from massive blood loss and only she had the same blood type as me, I would siphon out the rest of my blood myself to speed up my death. So naturally when she asked me if I wanted either or both I gave her a look that translated into "Fuck you, how dare you talk to me, I wish you would spontaneously combust so I could River Dance on your ashes...or whatever's left when you combust...if there even is anything left...uhhh...I hate you!"
 
I think she actually understood my look of pure hate because she kind of grimaced and slowly slithered away. If I cared about my job or her, I might've been nicer about it but unfortunately, I couldn't give less of a fuck about either. A few hours passed, it was 8 AM and it was break time. I went outside for my cigarette in my vintage ---- pose (see Google street view), came back in and went along with my business. A few more hours passed and it was time for break #2. So off I go again to do what I've done consistently for three and a half years. This time, I saw shithead giving me a dirty look then a quick look to her watch and then back at me. What the hell is she up to? I went for my break at 10 AM and came back 10 minutes later (I have 15 minutes) to this cow standing at the front doors.
 
Before I continue it is important to note that a usual shift is from 8am-5pm and these 6 AM horror shows are rare. Also know that for a 9 hour shift (6am-3pm) you are given two 15 minute breaks and an hour, which isn't paid. I was on my second 15 minute break with my lunch coming up at around 1 PM. So, I was well within the time frame I'd been allotted. According to this bitch-Nazi-whore, I was breaking the rules. She actually lectured me about respecting other peoples time, how I shouldn't abuse break time etc. etc. etc. I stood back, sort of stunned at first, but as she went on, I realised she was making no sense at all. Well, I happened to have a secret weapon, a weapon that was her very weakness. Logic. As rude as possible, while trying to give some illusion of respect, I walked her through my day. She didn't get it. Even though she offered me coffee a 7 AM this morning and half the staff started at 6 AM, this human fail thought I took a break right after I started work at 8 AM.
 
Yes. This person is actually in charge of other people. Again, this time without the undertone of respect, I explained to her that I had been at work for over 4 hours and was entitled to my two cigarette breaks. If she wanted to waste my time, at least have the decency to let me finish my break and do it on her time and the customer’s time. You know what she says? You know what Ursula the Sea Witch has the nerve to say? That I lack respect for other peoples time and next time I start at 8 AM, have the courtesy to not take a break right away. ....? .....????  Uhhh did I miss something? This time I said fuck it. This is more or less verbatim of what I told her.
 
"I'm not sure what part of "I came in at 6 AM" you're struggling with. You came in here at 7 AM and offered me coffee. You saw, with your own eyes, that I was physically standing in the store. Who do you think you saw? Who did you think you were speaking to when you said "----, would you like coffee or a muffin"? Are you simple? Do we need to go look at the cameras and pin-point you waddling up to me and acknowledging me? I've been here since 6 AM and now I'm going to go back outside for another cigarette because you're incapable of intelligible thought."
 
The reason I still have a job is because she doesn't speak English. I was sure I was going to be shown the door as soon as I got back in. Apparently not. The good news is she's left me alone since I spoke to her in a "disrespectful tone" even though I know for a fact she has no clue what I said to her. Next time I'll say in a pleasant voice that I'm going to shit on the hood of her car and piss on her door handles, you know, just to see what she'd say.